By Steve Mendonidis

Following these practical guidelines will give you the capacity to handle stress more effectively.

1. Don’t apply your rules to others (including these)
   
   Let others be free as you wish to be. Be adaptable. Adjust according to what is being offered. If their game plan has caught you out, don’t moan that they haven’t behaved correctly. Accept momentary defeat, and upgrade your strategy.
    
2. Take responsibility for yourself
   
   Nobody owes you anything and you don’t owe anybody. You owe yourself – take responsibility. If you borrow money, you owe it to yourself to honour your decision by paying back on time.
    
   As soon as you feel the hardship of your life should be alleviated by somebody else, then you become a victim. Discern the difference between creating a conscious obligation (eg business deal), an unconscious need to manipulate others, and making mutual choices to benefit everyone.
    
3. Take responsibility for your actions
   
   Every action you make (which includes thoughts) has consequence – a tax. Before taking action or no action check what the tax may be. If you are going to fire a gun, you need to see what the bullet may hit behind the target. Whatever your choice is, accept the consequences. Don’t fool yourself that you are able to select out only the parts that you want without receiving the rest of the package.
   
   (Your thoughts have an effect on your body’s chemistry; they also have influence on others around you.)
    
4. Accept your allotment
   
   This guidance was often given by T.T. Liang, a Tai Chi Master that died at age 102. Whatever situation you find yourself in, whether because of your own doing or lack of, or someone else’s, or beyond your control, accept it even if you don’t like it. Being in denial or fighting reality builds up more stress and creates an unsteady foundation to work from.
    
5. Surrender but don’t quit
   
   This is a continuation of “accept your allotment”. When you are in a difficult situation, accept it. Be comfortable in all situations. Even if it’s difficult, stay in the game; don’t cop out. Relax and do what must be done.
    
6. Don’t indulge
   
   Indulging your problems is a form of self pity, and usually attention seeking. If you need to feel sorry for yourself, do so, and then get done. Your energy is better spent working out solutions.
    
7. Drop your resistance
   
   Have harmony between decision and action. If you have made a decision to do something, then do it. Or make a new decision not to do it. Respect your decision.
   
   Reasons for resistance:
   
   - Self importance – not dealing with a situation because it feels beneath you, or you think it makes you inferior.
   
   - Obligation – you have a sense you’re doing this for someone else. Take responsibility for your own decision, you are obligated only to yourself.   For example, you have decided to do a job, now the time has arrived - do it or change your decision.
   
   - Comparing with others – if you have made a decision to do a job, it doesn’t matter if others are doing more or less than you. Get beyond sibling rivalry.
   
   - Challenging task – rise to the challenge. If you need help, ask.
   
   - Don’t like – if you want something then accept all that comes with it.
   
   If you land up in a bad situation and you need to act in a certain way, make your choice and act; otherwise don’t complain that you remain in that situation.
    
8. Don’t fight the odds
   
   When pursuing something, sometimes you find that everything keeps blocking your way. In some cases this subconscious sabotage may indicate your desired goal is unsuitable.
   
   Discern the difference between the need to persevere and the reality that you have made an incorrect choice. Some tasks are simply difficult and your skill level may not be up to scratch. In this case, you need to persevere. In other cases, you have not seen the bigger picture but your subconscious has, placing barriers in your way. Look into it, re-evaluate your decision; but don’t make this decision on a whim – eg “I feel tired” or “I’m so exhausted”.
    
9. Take the open doors
   
   Don’t fight the locked doors ie the obstacles. In mountain biking; when riding downhill at high speed, don’t look at the rock you want to miss – look at the gap you want to go through – otherwise you will hit the rock.
   
   We often find ourselves complaining about an obstacle: “if only it wasn’t there, life would be so much easier”. That is how life is.
   
   Acknowledge the obstacles, and then look for the gaps/open doors/opportunities. Don’t tunnel vision on the closed doors, look around; the open doors aren’t always apparent at first. If you can’t move your attention away from the locked door, stop bashing at the door, look for the key.
    
10. Procrastination
    
    This is leaving today’s chores for tomorrow. Tomorrow has its own chores, why would you want to double up tomorrow’s load? Simplify your life by doing what you need to do when things present themselves. Some things would be done immediately, some would be allocated a time, and others will be done when the right time presents itself. The last point applies in all cases. This requires a level of self discipline and a discerning mind.
    
    Rest and happiness is never found by leaving things for later. You are accumulating debt, which is stressful (the opposite of rest and happiness).

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